


Story of a kiss (or two)

by Rehe_im_Walde



Series: Guitar husbands summertour 2019 [1]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-05 19:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20493929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehe_im_Walde/pseuds/Rehe_im_Walde
Summary: Rammstein is going on tour and somehow the idea of the guitarists Paul and Richard giving eachother a little kiss on stage gets in the act. But is it only a kiss "for the show" after all?





	1. Before the Tour

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by Rammstein's stadium tour 2019 (several videos on Youtube to illustrate the inspiration ;) ).  
The characters are, ofcourse, their own and not mine. All thoughts and conversations are fictional.
> 
> (This is my first fanfic, hope you enjoy it..)

"Okay, so we agree on the songs for the tour?" rhythm-guitarist Paul looked around the room to his band colleagues.  
Rammstein were gathered in their practiceroom to discuss the upcoming stadium tour. Several new songs were added to the program, the ones everyone agreed on would work in a live show, several songs that had been on the program for several tours had been cut. Even some songs that hadn't been played for years would be back.  
After some haggling, as usual with Rammstein, they had all agreed on the songs with surprisingly little discussion and no fights at all (which was a first).

"What about the act?" Paul continued, causing sighs from several of the others. Everyone had hoped to be finished for the day and go to a bar to have a drink before going home to their families. But leave it to Paul to press on, he wasn't one to let things slide and "we'll just wing it" was not his thing. "Now that we're doing a stadiumtour, maybe the face-flamethrowers are not such a good idea. I remember the last time we wore those in a Open Air show, and the wind blew the flames in our faces.."  
"Leave the pyro to me" Till, singer and Pyro-expert, said in a new attempt to wrap things up for the day "We can use the guitar-flames, the guitarist's arm-fireworks in Du riechst so gut, the missiles. Benzin is out, but the flamethrower I can use in Mein Teil to torch Flake again".  
If some innocent bystander had heard that remark he might have flinched, but the band knew what Till meant and nodded their agreement. Thinking they were done now Till started to get up from the couch he was lying on.

"But we've done all that before, we should do something new in the act as well, not just perform new songs" Paul argued. Till slumped back in his seat, sending an exasperated look to keyboarder Flake who winked at him. Both were happy with the act they had and not particularly looking for changes.  
Schneider, the drummer, looked at bassplayer Oli and said "maybe you can do the boatride again with that rubber dinghy? I know Flake doesn't want to do it anymore, but you liked that, didn't you?". Oli nodded: "Maybe we can use that with the Ausländer song it would fit with the video we made. Why don't we use a bigger dinghy and two of us do it? Or all of us?"  
"I think it's a good idea and we should use it, but it isn't exactly new either, is it." Paul wasn't letting it go. Everyone groaned: it was too good to be true that the setlist had been this easy, apparently the discussion had shifted to the act.  
"Okay Paul, but what did you have in mind that *is* new enough? Anyway, we'll have to continue this tomorrow, I have a date this evening, so I'm going now" lead-guitarist Richard got up and got his jacket "I'll be a bit later tomorrow, have a dentist appointment". The others took his lead and also got up and left. Paul sighed but realised that he had been overruled for that day. He didn't have a real idea what he wanted yet either, but maybe a good night's sleep (or a late night beer) would help.

\-----

(Next morning)  
Flake, Till, Schneider and Oli were once again sitting on the couches. Paul stood in front of them and had been trying out several ideas on them (having dancers on stage, a DJ act, an unplugged set, animals) which were met with various degrees of enthousiasm, but everyone felt that there was something missing. Schneider looked at the others "Maybe we could put Buck dich back on the setlist, have Frau Schneider back and Till fucking Flake, maybe that's what is missing?".  
"I'm all for it" Till looked at Flake "You still have those pants, right?" Flake smiled, he hadn't expected any different from Till.  
"Sexing things up, might be a plan, but then we would have to change the setlist again, is that such a good idea?" Oli pointed out, leading to several nods around the room.  
Paul looked at his colleagues with a frown on his face "Guys...we have already done all that as well!". 

At that moment Richard stepped in the room "Goodmorning all, did I miss anything?". To get to a free spot on the couch he walked past Paul and as they passed they kissed eachother good morning, as they often did (Paul and Richard both being affectionate guys, they had years ago realised their colleagues didn't always appreciate it, so they had gotten in the habit of saving that sort of greetings for eachother).

"Why don't you guys do that in the act" Schneider said.  
"Do what?" Paul and Richard looked at him.  
"Well, why don't you guys kiss on stage? There are already fans out there who think you two are a couple, so why not give them a little teaser"  
"You guys have been "flirting" on stage for years, it would be a logical step. I like it, and it would save me from getting soaked again" Flake agreed.  
Only Till wasn't convinced "It seems so sweet and cute, and if there is one thing Rammstein isn't it's that".  
"Well we did say that Love is for everyone, so I don't see what is not Rammstein about it. And Paul, you haven't done *that* before on stage, so that arguement is off the table as well" Oli laughed, looking at Paul, who was still standing in front of them, but now with a confused look on his face.

Paul looked at Richard "What do you think?".  
"I'll do it if you do it, but I'm not the one in a long term relationship here."  
"What has that got to do with it?"  
"Maybe you should pitch the idea to your girlfriend and see what she says".  
Paul was for once lost for words, and the others took it as a sign that the discussion was over and with a relieved sigh took their instruments to get some practice in before the new tour.

\-----

(that evening)  
"Sounds cute, you guys should totally do that" Paul had gotten a ride home from Richard and now both were sitting in Paul's living room to discuss the idea. Paul had casually mentioned the kissing idea to his girlfriend.  
"It won't be like making out anyway or anything like that, just kissing the way we greet eachother" Paul added.  
"No I get it, I think that there will be some fans who'd love to see that, I can imagine the fan-girling already" Paul's wife occassionally read some fan-fictions on internet and sometimes read them to Paul as well (who was amazed what people came up with from just listening to their music and watching videos).  
"But what about the fans who don't like to see it, who think it's not "Rammstein" or too cute as Till puts it" Richard asked her.  
"Well how many people are really going to see it anyway, one little kiss won't last that long and only the people in your firezone will see it. Besides, you guys have always promoted the guy-guy agenda, but have always gone for the in-your-face stuff, kissing could a fun addition to that".

Paul laughed "So Richard, now we've settled that, I'll do it, and you said you would, so no backing out again. I'll call Schneider and tell him his idea has made the cut". Still chuckling he stepped outside to call, leaving his wife and Richard in the livingroom.

Richard got up to look at Paul's guitar collection, hanging on the wall, before turning to Paul's wife again "So you're okay with this?".  
"Yeah, no problem. I've been a Metal-wife long enough to know that this is just for the act. I was fine with Mann gegen Mann and with the Pussy video, so this is okay by me. I actually even like the idea of those angry Rammstein guys going sweet this time."  
Richard turned his attention to the guitars again "Yeah...okay... I guess.. just for the act, nothing more", it came out a little more cynical then he intended.  
Paul's girlfriend turned and looked at him "Richard, are *you* okay with it?".  
No reply, just a shrug.  
"What do you think will happen, that you start to fall in love with Paul?" "Not start..." he said softly, but loud enough for her to hear.  
"Oh...okay...does Paul know?"  
"No, ofcourse not, and there isn't anything really to know, so forget it."  
"Richard, would it be easier if I *did* have a problem with the kiss, so Paul wouldn't go through with it? I'm sure he wouldn't if I didn't like it.." 

Richard looked at her before shaking his head "No, it's okay, like you said, it's only one little kiss, nothing more".


	2. Barcelona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour has started, but the kissing...not so much...until...

The stadiumtour had started and the first concerts had turned out great. The band enjoyed being out of the studio again and being on a real stadiumtour (which had been their wish for several years) turned out to be even more fun then they expected. Everyone played great, the new numbers worked really well and the audiences were going wild over the new set, lighting effects and pyro.  
The boatride was an instant hit with the fans and most of the band who were trying out all sorts of positions while sailing over the sea of hands. Till had opted out of the dinghy after one attempt and offered to pull the others out of the boats once they arrived at mainstage (which instantly turned into a fanfavorite as well).  
Richard was the only one not loving it, but he couldn't get out of the ride, because he passionately bartered to wear a white feathercoat for part of the show which none of the others liked and feared he'd find the coat in a coffeebath if he chickened out of the boatride.

Just the kissing, that had not happened yet. Paul had wanted Richard to get a fixed moment in the show and really make a choreography of it (which only lead to more grumbles of Till that sounded like "bloody cute" and "dumb stuff"), but Richard hadn't been keen on it and had convinced Paul to make it semi-spontaneous so it would look as real as possible for the fans.  
"Okay, surprise me then: you make the first move, and I'll go along with it" Paul had laughed at the last rehearsel before the tour, "It'll be like a first date kiss", which lead to more laughter by Paul and a slight uneasy feeling with Richard, who decided to not think about it too much, because otherwise he feared he'd never do it.

But the tour was now well on the way without any kiss happening and despite still saying that it was just for the act and no big deal, Paul couldn't help he felt a little disappointed about it. Last night in his hotelroom he realised he was actually looking forward to sharing a kiss with Richard in the limelight.

The band had flown into Barcelona and just finished the final soundcheck when Paul cornered Richard backstage:  
"Sooooo....are you going to do it tonight?"  
"I thought you wanted to be surprised, so let's not spoil the surprise.."  
"Oh come on Richard, we're having such a good time and the rest of the shows works so well, let's just do this already if you don't make the move I will."  
"Okay, I'll do it tonight..."  
"So when do we kiss in the show? We already walk towards eachother at the end of Puppe and we play standing next to eachother at the start of Mein Teil, let's do it at either one..."  
"Paul....just let me surprise you"  
"Damn it Richard..."

\-----

Paul had enthousiastically informed the rest of the band that tonight would be the night. Oli and Flake were amused and had reacted with "Well finally", Schneider was looking forward to it, demanding that they'd kiss on the front stage so as the drummer he would have the best view in the house and had been annoying Richard about the when, how and what just as much as Paul had.

Till still thought it was a dumb idea and had threatened to remain standing on front stage so the two guitarists wouldn't be able to physically get close enough together for any kind of kissing, which had Paul and Schneider coming up with wild plans on how to tackle Till to get him out of the way (even trying to get Flake to use the flamethrower on Till in a role-reversal for once, but Flake had just laughed at them and told them not to involve him, because he wanted to continue sharing a dressingroom with Till for the rest of the tour).

Eventually Paul got Till to settle with it by reminding him that if the kiss turned out as dumb as Till said, they could always leave it out of the act for the remainder of the tour (not really wanting that to happen, but if it got Till quiet, that would do for now).  
Richard, in the mean time, had grown more and more nervous before the show, which had added to the already impressive amount of cigarettes he smoked during the day...

The Barcelona show started and the band had the crowd going wild within seconds; it was one of those nights where the band knew from the start that this would be one of those smooth shows in which all would go as planned and better.

Paul loved to play for and with the audience and already found a group of fans who were following every move he made and loved to wave at them. Already an hour into the show Paul looked at Richard on the other end of the stage and when he caught his eye gave him a "let's go" nod.

At the end of Puppe Richard looked at Paul and started to rhythmically walk to center stage. Paul saw the move and followed his lead, both still playing the riff on their guitars, Till was offstage as the large babycarrier that he used in the song was taken away; so that was taken care of.

As Paul and Richard neared center stage, Paul stood still near Till's pedestal and waited for Richard to arrive (while ofcourse still playing, he knew that if they let a silence fall in the music, there'd be only more reason for Till to argue about the act).

Richard was now a meter away and still moved towards Paul. Paul couldn't contain a smile. Richard was now right in front of him and still moved, his face to Paul's face, his lips to Paul's forehead...leaving a small kiss on Paul's brow, after which he walked away again.

Paul laughed but it was not what he had intended to happen, so he called after Richard "Hey, that's cheating". Richard smiled at him. The crowd in firezone had seen the move and were applauding even louder than before.

Several songs passed, the band went to the second stage for the acoustic version of Engel and the boatride back to mainstage. There was not much time for the bandmembers to talk during the show but before the boatride, Paul managed to get next to Richard, looked at him and whispered "you promised...". 

After the boatride the bandmembers lined up on stage until they were all there and waved at the audience before starting the next song. Richard stood next to Paul while they waited for Oli, Flake and Schneider to arrive. As Paul lifted his hands to wave to the crowd he felt Richard's hand grabing his in mid-air. Paul grinned because he knew what it meant: "You make the first move" and he squeezed Richard's fingers while their hands were still in the air (hoping noone would see, especially not Till, because Paul suspected "holding hands" would classify as "dumb stuff" as well).

\-----

The next song, fitting after the boatride, was Ausländer, this also had an outro with a repeated guitarriff before the start of the song after. Once the outro riff started Paul again looked to Richard at the other end of the stage and again caught his eye. He gave a quick nod to center stage. Richard nodded, he understood the gesture, and Paul was sure he also understood the intent.

Both again were walking on the rhythm they played, but when they neared centerstage Till, who had been standing at the back near Schneider's drumkit, came to stand frontstage as well, without saying or doing anything. Paul looked at him and at Richard, who had seen Till coming as well. Paul half expected Richard to stop the walk and not go past Till, and was already thinking about other opportunities in the songs that were left (which weren't many..). Richard was now near Till, and then Paul held his breath for a second, because as Richard watched Till he kept on walking, passed Till and was now facing Paul.  
Paul watched Till, watched Richard, watched Till again....Till snorted, spit on the ground, turned around and walked back to face Schneider at the drumkit. 

Paul knew this was the moment, this kiss was going to happen and it would happen now.  
Right at the end of the riff, he took a big step to Richard and smiled at him, someone in the audience yelled "kiss, kiss" and at the same time Richard took a step towards Paul to bridge the last centimeters, as they pressed their lips together and kissed.  
Paul could feel Richard's lips on his, Richard's cheek on his cheek, and even though it was all for the act, nothing more to it...Paul had forgotten all that now as he enjoyed the kiss (completely the same yet completely different than how they normally kissed).

It seemed to last minutes, but in reality only a few seconds passed after which both guitarists leaned back again and Flake and Schneider started the intro for the next song. Paul and Richard did automatically what they always did and went back to their own positions.  
The next song "Du riechst so gut" had been on their setlist for 25 years so they could almost play it without thinking, which was a good thing as Paul's mind was still busy with only one thing....that kiss. He tried to catch Richard's eye again and as he did Richard smiled at him, and Paul grinned back, happy with the world, the show, himself, everything.

The rest of the show finished in a euphoria that occassionally happens if a show goes really well, and this one did. The band played everything as planned and thanked the audience for their support for this wonderful show.  
Now the lights were on again, Paul spotted the many smartphones and camera's that were in the audience filming their final goodbye and wondered if someone had been making pictures of other parts of the show too....of *that* part...

Back stage Paul took Richard by the hand before they went to their respective dressingrooms to get ready for the after party and without the others noticing looked at him and said "I don't care how dumb that is, we are doing that again...".


	3. Road to Milton Keynes

Waking up late after last night's After-party, Paul made his way to the hotelrestaurant where he found Oli and Schneider waiting for him:  
"Hey Guitar Husband no 1 is up" Schneider laughed  
"Look, you guys already made it to Social Media" and handed Paul his phone showing a photo of Richard and him from the concert.  
Oli added "scroll down, there's a video too" and Paul soon saw his own face with a huge smile leaning towards Richard. The video already had 400 likes and 150 comments like "Paulchard is real!" "Guitar husbands" "Old married couple, so soft!".

Paul had never seen himself in a Rammstein picture looking as happy as that, the band always liked to project an angry attitude in the past, but as he looked at it he remembered the way he had felt yesterday and felt himself starting to smile again at the thought.

"Ooooh, look Oli, our Pauli is thinking of husband no 2"  
"Shut up you two, Till won't like this shit, so don't go stirring stuff up like that."  
"Till has already seen it, but if you scroll down further, there are many more pictures of his fireworks and pyrotechnics, basically he just ignored you two lovebirds, so that will be as much of an encouragement you'll ever get from him. But you really should kiss again at one of the next shows."  
"I wouldn't mind to be honest, but has Richard seen this yet?"  
"Finally he asks for his hubby. We haven't seen him, so he's probably still in his room"

\-----

"Richard, can I come in?"  
"Hey.." Richard let Paul in and sat back on his bed where he was having a smoke to get rid of his nightly nicotine-deficit. Paul sat down beside him, opened the links Schneider e-mailed him and showed them to his fellow guitarist.

"What do you think?"  
Richard grinned "Your smile...you look really sweet there, I was so nervous that I didn't see that on stage. I don't know if you're supposed to use the term for a guy over 50, otherwise I'd say you look adorable"  
"Thanks husband!"  
"What?"  
"That's what the fans call us: 'Guitar husbands' and the guys are starting to use it too. So what shall we do at the next show?"  
"Hold on, you want to do it again?"  
"Sure, we had fun didn't we? We can do something else if you want or at another part of the show, but yeah, ofcourse we're going to do something like it again...why..?"

"But Till..."  
"Turns out that that problem is out of the way, he's happy to ignore us as long as he has his pyrotechnics, oh come on Richard, your face isn't in this pic from that angle, but I know you liked it too...no backing out now,"

Richard looked at Paul's smiling face "Okay okay, we'll do some more of this on other shows, but not the same thing every night, just surprise me."  
Paul leaned to Richard, gave him a small peck on the cheek and jumped up of the bed to leave the room "it'll be great, you'll see...I'm going to pack now.".

Richard looked at him as he left and couldn't help but smile; he loved Paul like this, all happy and bubbling with ideas.  
This was the Paul he thought of often when they were apart and Richard was feeling stressed; the thought would always make him feel better, sometimes hoping that Paul would magically call or drop by at the very moment, but that never happened.

He had never mentioned it to Paul himself though, always a little shy of what Paul would say, he could be quite cynical at times, and until now Richard had never risked his feelings being a source of ridicule, rather keeping it to himself and enjoy it in private.  
He wondered if this would change this tour, if he could build up the courage...

He took his own phone and looked up the photo on internet to see Paul's smiling face again, looking so lovingly... his "husband". Richard shook himself out of his daydream, and also started packing to get ready for the trip to the next tour-city.

\-----

While Paul had always been good at coming up with show effects and stunts, he really outdid himself in the "tlc" category, much to the amusement of most of his bandmates and a fan-following on Social Media who tried to be the first to post a new pic after each morning after a show.  
True to what both guitarists had agreed, every show he came up with a different variation on the theme "sweet and cuddly", sometimes surprising even Richard during the show, sometimes suggesting a move right before they got on stage and letting Richard take the lead, because he knew that generally Richard liked to be in charge.

Sometimes a kiss, sometimes a hug, eskimo-kiss or touching of their foreheads, every show contained a small "Paulchard" occurence as the fans had called it. Paul had even found a new appreciation for Richard's long white coat (the "chicken-coat" as it had been dubbed a bit derisively by his bandmates) when he had realised that it was nice and fluffy, so he liked to stroke Richard's arm or back when he wore it, sometimes letting his hand linger a bit longer to touch the coat (and it's content) as long as possible without breaking the flow of the show.

Richard enjoyed the contact too and found that it even improved his playing, because in previous tours he'd regularly been reprimanded by Paul when he made mistakes which only led to more nervousness and more mistakes.  
Even though they often argued in the past, Richard had always valued Paul's opinion very much and although he usually reacted to reprimand with heated arguments, such reprimands bothered him more than he cared to admit.  
But now Paul treated him with lovely touches, even though only for the show, Richard relaxed more and more and enjoyed the tour even more than usual.

Richard had even dared to confide in Paul about his nervousness about the boatride and Paul had given him a big hug and tender kiss on the shoulder before stepping in the boat in Paris, which had almost made the boatride bearable. Unfortunately the dinghy had been rocked heavily by the fans and Richard feared they'd drop him, and that had ended all his enthousiasm from that point onward, never to return again. 

Oli and Flake often missed the antics of the guitarists because they were concentrating on the songs, but Schneider was still trying to follow every next episode and usually was the first to find new photos on internet next day.  
Till had still largely ignored the fluff, only once acknowledging it, when after a show he had cornered Paul and told him bluntly to at least keep the kissing limited to at one specific point in the show (the end of the "Ausländer" song) so he could turn around and pretend to not see.  
Like all in the band Paul respected Till's opinion enough to do as promised, but took the liberty of taking it literal and only apply it to the kissing as such, instead getting creative with hugs and cuddles in various other songs.

Several shows passed, each better than the last. On occassion the guys would return home between shows to spend time with their families, and even though they were happy to be home, Paul and Richard always looked forward to the next show, not only as usual for the music, the audience and the rush of the performance, but now also for this new closeness between them.

\-----

At the show in Milton Keynes there was no agreed idea up front; Paul had decided to let Richard surprise him, but for some reason was sure there would be a kiss at this show. 

As "Ausländer" started Paul was tempted to walk right up to the center stage and wait for what was to come, but realising that would be too obvious he entertained the group of fans at his side of the stage with little dances and gestures when a specific fan caught his eye.

Finally the last chords started and Paul positioned himself right in front of Schneider's drumkit, knowing the drummer was enjoying the anticipation as much as he did hemself.  
Richard approached him faster than usual and eventually came so close their guitars almost touched. He rhythmically wiggled closer and closer, nearly but not quite touching shoulders and faces.  
At the last chord he leaned in, then hesitated...and at the last moment put his lips on Paul's, Paul catching his and smiled as he tasted Richard's lips.  
Schneider started the next song with a huge grin on his face, Paul laughed as he saw it.

\-----

After the show and the final salut to the audience, Paul and Richard walked back together to their dressingrooms, their bandmates had already retreated, looking forward to wash off the stage make-up and get ready for the next After-party.

"You walked up so close to me for the kiss, I almost thought you'd do something else" Paul grinned "bit sensual even...you got me all tingly, hubby...did you plan it this way?"  
Richard stopped and turned to look at Paul, still grinning at him while his whole face lit up, and thought again how good Paul looked when he smiled.  
Paul had also stopped, clearly in no rush to get dressed. 

Richard took a step to close the gap between them, wrapped his arms around the other man's waist and pulled him close. He very gently put his lips on Paul's and kissed him, now more purposefully and lingering than on stage.  
Paul didn't back away, instead laying his hands on Richard's shoulders and stroking his neck. After a few seconds Richard deepened the kiss and Paul responded happily, both enjoying the other man's body against their own.  
After a while they broke the kiss and looked eachother in the eyes "This is what I really wanted to do on stage, but at the last moment I wasn't sure if you...what you..." Richard whispered as he gave Paul an Eskimo-kiss.  
Paul sighed "I don't know what I...it would have been different with the guitars between us, but that was nice....really nice...I mean..."  
Lost for words he embraced Richard and hugged him tight, in an attempt to express what he couldn't put into words. Richard gave him a few small pecks on his neck and cheek, before leaning into the hug again.

Finally they let go of the embrace as they realised they were getting in the way of the crew who were starting to dismantle the stage and get everything packed for the next tourstop.

"We should probably get showered and dressed, we'll see eachother at the party...and maybe afterwards?"   
"Okay, see you in a bit"

\-----

As both guitarists walked to their respective rooms, Richard felt like his smile would never leave his face again, excited that he had finally kissed Paul properly, like he had so often wanted to do but never dared. Until now.

He opened the door to his dressingroom, expecting to be alone to enjoy the moment. Instead he found someone waiting for him, not looking particularly happy.

"Till..."


	4. When things changed

(Richard finds Till waiting for him in his dressingroom)

"You can't have him, you know.."  
"What?"  
" Oh, come on, I know you have feelings for Paul. But like I've told you many times before, Paul is not into guys and besides, he's happy in his relationship, he has been with her for almost 20 years, that's something you and I will never manage with one person. There is no point pretending that will change. You don't think I've watched you two at these shows? Every time a little cosier with the smooching? If you go on at this rate, you'll be ready to full on straddle him by the time we get to the end of the tour"  
"You're overreacting, it's just a bit of fun for the show, to please the fans"  
"Well that's convenient, isn't it, that there are fans who think you two are 'adorable' together" Till rolled his eyes at the word "Please yourself more like; okay, tell me you don't love him then..."  
"N..not really..."  
"Not really or really not?"  
"Not really, just leave it, will you. Paul and I argued for years when we were on tour, that didn't make you happy. Now we get along and we're having some extra fun on stage, and you're not happy either. There's no winning with you"  
"I'm perfectly fine with the two of you getting along, trust me it's a relief, even if I could do without this dumb cutesy stuff. But you're not fooling me, there is more to this than 'just for show' and that's all I'm trying to say: he isn't into it like you are. You are my friend, I don't want you to get your feelings hurt when you can see from miles away that will be what'll happen if this goes on.  
Why don't you get your family over for the next show to get your mind off it, or your girlfriend, didn't you mention you were seeing someone new? What does she think of all this anyway, did you even tell her before you went on tour?"  
"There isn't anything to tell, but no, I haven't..."  
Till got up from the couch he had been sitting on "Seriously, take my advice, give her a call, save the smooching for her and leave it off the stage. There is plenty of fun to be had on stage with the audience or even with Paul, without it getting this personal."  
Till turned around and left, closing the door of the dressingroom behind him.

Richard slumped down on the couch. He felt deflated. Only a short while ago (how long had it even been, maybe 15 minutes?) he had felt over the moon after holding Paul in a tight embrace and now all the happy feelings had disappeared.  
He was certain Till hadn't seen the two guitarists kiss backstage and in a way was glad of that, so he could at least cherish the memory. But he also knew Till was right, Paul had never been attracted to a guy...ever... And Till was also right about him being attracted to Paul.  
Even though practically all of his relationships were with women and he described himself as polyamoureus; there had been a few occasions in the past were he had been with a guy, but none of it had ended well and about none he had felt like he did about Paul.

Richard knew he was an emotional man, too much so for many people, and he had already years ago confided in Till that he just couldn't handle the heartache anymore, it was much easier to not become fully emotionally invested in someone.  
But it had been growing more difficult over the years with Paul, who himself was an affectionate and fun-loving person, and was always quite easy with hugs and touches, both on stage and off...

And, Till had also been right about the kissing becoming a bit hotter each time, Richard had realised that too, but had somehow thought that Paul had initiated some of it, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part.  
It would be easier to cut it off now and not let things go further, and for that, the tlc on stage had to stop as well. Richard felt a knot in his stomach about the thought.

After a few more minutes of pondering, he took his phone and dialed the most recently added number on his speeddial.  
"Hey honey, it's me...listen, you have never been to a Rammstein show have you...why don't you come along to the next show, can't wait to see you again...okay, let me know when you'll be there...bye.."

\-----

The next shows passed, the songs and the show now fully routine for the band and the crew. Enthousiastic fans at every gig, pyro and fireworks photos on social media daily, the management and band already decided that the succes was big enough to announce the continuation of the stadium tour in the next year and after tickets had been available, the first of those shows had already been sold-out.

Richard had indeed stopped initiating a kiss at the end of Ausländer. Other little bits of fun still happened, like they had on previous tours, but no more kissing or brow-touching between both guitarists. He hadn't talked about it with Paul, because doing so would mean admitting his feelings, and he hadn't found a way to do it, so hoped that for Paul it had indeed been all for show and that he wouldn't be that bothered about it.

But Paul was bothered about it. Not at first, previous shows hadn't all contained a kiss anyway, precisely because both guitarists wanted it to look spontaneous. But when another show had passed without any physical contact and one night, Richard hadn't even walked to center-stage any more to jam with Paul, Paul became worried.  
At first he had thought that maybe Richard was shy when his girlfriend had visited the tour, but after she had gone back to her own job, nothing had changed.  
Paul didn't understand what had happened to change Richard's mind, but was sure that something had.  
At Milton Keynes all had seemed fine, more than fine even, and now this. When Paul didn't understand something, especially something to do with the band or the show, he became annoyed. And when Paul became annoyed, he became angry and started to look for a fight.

\-----

In general Paul was a happy-go-lucky person, especially with fans (less so with journalists), and could light up a room when he smiled, for which his family and friends loved him. However, his family and friends also knew Paul's other side: he could pick a fight with practically anyone just to (as he called it) 'clear the air' and 'get things out in the open'. After a fight Paul would usually forget all about the topic instantly and continue as if nothing had happened, while the other person was still reeling with the argument and refused to speak to him for hours or days. Eventually they would be won over by his sunny smile and all would be well, so Paul had never seen a problem with his method and had stubbornly refused to change even after his girlfriend had suggested that maybe sometimes having 'a nice conversation' would get a better result.

Paul's fights were never physical, even though he wouldn't have shied away from it if he had to, but in reality his male friends, especially his bandmates were quite a bit bigger and/or stronger than him and were fully capable of ending a fight by just shoving him out of the room.

Although Paul wasn't small for a european man by any means, his bandmates were all taller and most also more muscular from years of practising sports. Paul's strength was in his verbal capacities; he knew exactly what to say to a person to hit that person in a sensitive spot and would continue arguing and arguing, often dragging all sorts of non-related issues into the fight, just as long until the other person gave up, after which Paul would feel he had won.

Within Rammstein his best (his colleagues would have refered to them as 'worst') fights were always with one person. Oli was too soft spoken and levelheaded to have a good argument with. Till would argue for a while if he felt like it, but always ended up picking Paul up physically (which Paul hated) and dropping him outside telling him to come back when he could shut up. Flake would occassionally argue, but if that took too long, Till would interfere and again put Paul outside. Schneider was Paul's best buddy, and although that was no reason for Paul not to fight him, he felt it was usually better not to do that, so he had someone to go to after a fight to complain about the other person.

No, a fight within Rammstein was always best with Richard. Richard also loved to argue and never backed down, not wanting Paul to win when he felt he was right himself. He would get emotional pretty quick and was very passionate about his music, which only led to more heated arguments. Besides that, Richard always listened to everything Paul had to say, even when the others would have laughed in his face about ideas, which made Richard an ideal sparringpartner for Paul.  
Once, a fight had gotten so much out-of-control that they hadn't spoken again for a month, which had Paul feeling almost sorry, but as the month had ended with Richard coming to him to apologise, eventually all had been forgotten.

And this time Paul's annoyance was even Richard's fault, so Paul felt completely in the right to start an argument. He had already been letting his angry feelings boiling up during the day ('stoking his volcano' as Oli once called it, once again proving that he could hit the nail on the head) and after another show without much contact between the guitarists, Paul confronted Richard backstage, when the band had just walked off stage.  
"Hey, 'husband', what is going on, why aren't you doing what we agreed anymore? Are you chickening out again? Has that stupid coat rubbed off on you?"

The other four bandmembers groaned but stayed to hear the rest; as they were often 'used' after the fight by either party to complain about the other, they might as well hear what happened themselves.  
"It was too good to be true, having a tour without at least one guitarist-drama" Flake whispered to Schneider who nodded in agreement "Why we ever thought having two guitarists was a good idea..."

In the meantime Richard had recognised the look on Paul's face and sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get out by just shrugging his shoulders.  
"Paul, just back off, we never said there would be a kiss in every show, we did all variations there are, now it's time for something else".  
"Don't be ridiculous, all variations my ass, you could come up with plenty more if you wanted to. The fans love our hugs and kisses, and you know very well you loved it too, you're not that good of an actor you know, or what was that little after-show moment we had in Milton Keynes."  
At this remark the other four exhanged questioning looks, clearly they had missed a vital bit of the story..

Paul was now full-steam in fight mode continuing "Or have you already forgotten about that night, you're over 50 now, maybe you're starting to loose it, we can't all be forever young like me" (Paul chose to ignore the fact that he was three years older than Richard himself, but getting facts right had never bothered him in a fight.)

"Paul, seriously, leave me alone, I just changed my mind." Richard looked at the floor, not willing to feed Paul's frenzy.

This was the point in the fight were usually the yelling would start, the unfounded arguments, the unjust accusations from both sides. Oli, Schneider, Flake and Till looked on bracing themselves for the eruption of two volcanoes.

"Look, just like in the show you're not even making eyecontact with me anymore, what's that all about. Are you too preoccupied with those good looking fans in the 'fire-zone' or the girls at the afterparties? Or is it that new girlfriend of yours, is she getting your mind off the show? You're a big guy, it's time to grow up and keep your fucking lovelife out of Rammstein."  
Paul also braced himself, for him the fun part of the fight was about to start. 

Except...it didn't... 

After Paul's last sentence, Richard looked up at Paul without saying a word. Paul was taken off-guard by that more than anything Richard could have said. As he looked back at Richard he thought he saw tears in the other man's eyes. Richard silently backed away to retreat to his dressingroom, shutting the door without even slamming it.

Paul looked at the door of the dressingroom, still not quite believing what had happened. Had Richard been crying, had he made him cry?  
He turned to look at his bandmates who were wearing looks of disbelieve too, exchanging glances between eachother. 

"What happened?" was the only thing Paul could come up with to say, annoyed with himself at how stupid it sounded because he knew full well what happened.

"Okaaay...this is new..." Flake looked at the others for some help in this unprecedented situation. Schneider was the first to get a realisation of what had occured "Paul, I think you might have managed to hurt him for real this time"  
"But... I have said much much worse to him over the last 25 years, he never reacted like this."  
"Well, maybe it is his age, like you said?"  
"Oh, come on, you know I just said that to annoy him because he's sensitive about aging, he hasn't changed that much over the years, he never lost his passion and still looks damn good."  
Again looks between the other four, this too was new, Paul saying something like this.

"I don't know, but something you said hit him in a tender spot, I think he even cried.."  
Uncomfortable that the others had spotted that detail too Paul said "He's always been emotional, maybe he'll come back and continue the argument" but as he said it he knew he himself was not into fighting anymore...seeing Richard react like that had shocked him, even more because he realised that those hadn't been tears of anger but of something else...Paul just didn't understand what.

"What did happen in Milton Keynes Paul?"  
Paul looked at his bandmates "I'm not sure if he wants you to know...we shared a kiss after the show"  
"Like on stage?"  
"More like, if we had kissed like that on stage, Till would have set his flamethrower at us."

On hearing his friend's name Flake turned to the singer "Till, you're his oldest friend, he always listens to you, you go talk to him, make him tell you what's wrong."  
"I'm not sure that I'm going to be of much help here" Till had the uncomfortable feeling that he too had misjudged some things, but wasn't completely clear what. But he knew Flake had a point, if anyone had a chance it would be him.

With some reluctance he walked to Richard's dressingroom and knocked "Richard, can I talk to you?"  
No answer at first, then he heard a noise and Richard opened the door, but only enough so he could see his face "Please go away, I don't want to talk, I'll be okay honestly, I just want to be alone right now, I want to think"  
After this the door closed again.  
The others had heard the exchange and although the joke "Richard not wanting to talk..that's another first on this tour" was on everyone's mind, noone was in the mood to say it out loud.

"There doesn't seem much we can do at the moment, we better get changed for the Afterparty" and even though they weren't really in partying mood, they decided this was the best thing to do in order to not disappoint the fans and friends who were probably already there waiting.

Paul set out for his own dressingroom, then changed his mind and took a step towards Richard's, but Schneider stopped him.  
"Leave him be Paul, there isn't anything you can do now, with a bit of luck he'll be himself again tomorrow and act as if nothing happened."  
But Paul knew that what happened tonight has changed something, if not for Richard then certainly for himself. He had some thinking to do too...

\-----

(later that night)  
Paul lay on his bed but couldn't sleep, his mind still pre-occupied with what had happened after the show. Richard had turned up at the After-party, seemingly okay, the fans would not have known anything happened, but he hadn't stayed long and avoided talking to his bandmates.  
Paul took his phone and saw an App from his girlfriend from only a few minutes ago "Hi babe, Had a good show? Been out with the girls, had a blast!".   
He dialed her number "Hey baby, it's me, glad you're still up"   
"Are you okay, nothing's wrong right?"  
After Paul had told her what happened, at least what he could make of it, she offered to come the next morning to the tourstop (which was not too far from Berlin) so they could spend some time together.

\-----

"I still don't get it, he just seemed really hurt by something I said, and this time I didn't even mean to"  
Paul's girlfriend sighed, she knew Paul's verbal fights all too well, counting herself lucky that she was rarely on the receiving end of one.  
"But what exactly did you say, there must have been something?"

Paul recalled everything again, as precise as he could remember "...I mentioned Milton Keynes and then I think I said to keep his lovelife out of Rammstein, and that was it"  
"I saw a vid of your stage kiss in Milton Keynes, it seemed a bit more sensual than the others"  
"It probably was.." Paul had always been honest with his partner about everything in his bandlife "..and we did a bit of smooching after the show, nothing shocking, not more than I do with the odd fan at a party."  
"Did you like it?"  
Paul looked at her, for the first time thinking about how he really felt about that kiss.  
"I...I guess I did like it, it felt good to hold him...in a way...it was different.."  
"Good different or bad different?"  
"Good, definitely good, I could tell he liked it too, he seemed very sweet..but after that things were different, I didn't notice right away, but that's when it changed.."

"Paul, I think he has a crush on you"  
"No, that can't be it, there must we something that happened to him, maybe it's his family."  
"Okay, let me rephrase that, I know he has a crush on you, and not just since Milton Keynes, but already a long time, he almost said as much when you two came to talk to me before the tour..."

Paul thought back about the tour, and also the years before that and slowly realised it made sense. All the times Richard did listen to him when all the others wouldn't, all the times he had called Richard to meet up and the other would always show, when they had fun together on stage and during rehearsels or videoshoots. The thought that there was more to it had never crossed his mind, but looking back it felt like all the puzzlepieces fell in the right place.  
What's more..Paul realised that he too had feelings for his fellow-guitarist, and not just the way he felt about the rest of the band.

"I have to talk to him about it, but I have no idea what to say, this has never happened to me"  
"You're not leaving me, are you?"  
"What? No! It's not like that, I love you...I just..."  
"Well, maybe you can start by making up for the fight last night.."  
"That's even more difficult, I'd rather he'd just forgot that happened."  
"Paul..."  
"Okay okay, I'll come up with something.. thanks baby..wouldn't know what I'd do without you"  
"Okay, great, now tell me about those 'odd fans at parties'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise there will be a bit of fluff in the next chapter, but I had to get this out of my system first, turned out to be a complete chapter...


	5. Eastern Europe tourleg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments for the previous chapters, hope you'll enjoy this one! Where last chapter ended with Paul's point of view, this one starts with Richard's

"Keep your fucking lovelife out of Rammstein"  
Richard heard the phrase going around and around in his head since the fight. He had managed to show up at the party afterwards, traces of tears hidden by carefully applied make-up, inwardly glad that he was known to wear make-up often, so nobody had suspected a thing.  
The days after he had spend in a bit of a daze, going through the routine of tourlife, travelling, new hotelroom, soundcheck, rehearsal, on automatic pilot. Although he interacted with everyone as normal as he could, he did seem rather subdued to the others. To Paul he was friendly but distant, not knowing how to recover from the fight.  
When the other four bandmates or some of the crew asked if he was alright, he replied that everything was fine, no problem, just a bit tired, must be my age haha, which seemed to satisfy everyone, or at least stop them from asking more questions which was exactly what Richard wanted.

Now he had found a quiet corner behind the stadium with noone else around, a few hours to kill before the next show and lit up another cigarette while looking out over the area, but not really noticing it.  
"Keep your fucking lovelife out of Rammstein."  
Well that was it then. Definit. Final. Paul was not interested.  
Till had been right.  
Richard had hoped, against his better judgement, that Till was wrong and that the spark he had felt from Paul on this tour and particularly in Milton Keynes was something real.  
He had hoped that if he let the initiative for the kissing with Paul for the next couple of shows; Paul would have continued kissing and hugging at the same rate (or even more..) they had in previous shows.  
But Paul hadn't.  
"You should have told him you wanted him to take the lead" a small voice in Richard's head said "How was he to know that that was what he was supposed to do?"  
"If there really was a spark he would have done it without needing to be told" Richard felt like a lovesick teenager for thinking it and felt bad about it.  
It wasn't Paul's fault.

Richard sighed and lit another cigarette.  
Right after the fight he had felt like throwing a good old-fashioned tantrum, not that that had ever solved anything in the past, but at least it helped get his emotions out, but this time he had abandoned the thought almost immediately.

Paul was not for him, he never was and never would be.  
Richard regretted going along with the kissing idea, knowing from the start it would be a challenge to keep his feelings for Paul hidden.  
If only they had continued like on previous tours: some close guitarplay, shoulder to shoulder, forehead to forehead, occassional touching of hands hidden behind their guitars so noone would see.  
Then Richard could have pretended in private that someday there could be more between them without really having to act on it, just because the thought, that had been there for years, had always been of great comfort to him in the past.  
Maybe, when he was really honest with himself, there had been some wishful thinking when Paul had been happy about the kissing, especially after the first kisses and hugs had actually happened and Paul was still excited about it, that there was something blossoming between the other guitarist and himself.

Again Richard sighed, trying to grab another cigarette, but found the package was empty. He grabbed his coat for his backup-package, but that was empty too.  
This would normally have spurred him on to go buy a new package immediately, but he remained seated on a small step, looking at nothing.  
Whoever had come up with the phrase "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved" surely never had loved someone like Paul.

His phone rang, Oli.  
"Richard, where are you, you need to get a move on, we're starting the prep. There is another idea we want to try tonight."  
"Yeah, I'm coming, I'll be there in a minute."  
Richard got up and told himself to get a grip and get over it.  
He needed to get back to acting the way he was used to, that people around him were used to of him.

Starting with a new package of cigarettes.

\-----

While Richard made his way to the room where the band would meet before getting dressed for the show, he pondered how he could patch things up with Paul again. Hopefully they'd be able to get along together as they had before this tour started.  
He just wanted to make sure he could do so, without getting emotional about it, because that would get Paul either angry or distressed or ridicule him, and Richard didn't want any of the three. First focus on tonight, give the fans the amazing show they were hoping for.

\-----

When he entered the room the others were enthousiastically discussing the new idea with their tourmanager. Richard sat down next to Schneider who got him up to speed.  
"There has been violence in Poland recently against the LGBT-community. So tonight, as a statement of support to the community and especially our fans that are involved, we are going to take rainbow flags and Polish flags with us in the boats and wave them while we sail across the audience. When we are all back at mainstage, we'll pose with the flags so the photographers can get a good shot of it. You are okay with it too, right?"  
"Yeah, ofcourse, sounds like a great idea, I'm in!"  
Richard looked at the other bandmembers, Paul being the most talkative of all, making everybody smile with his enthousiasm.  
Schneider saw him watching the other guitarist and said quietly, not sure how Richard would react "It was basically Paul's idea, he got inspired by talking to our photographer".  
Richard smiled "Leave it to our Pauli to come up with new ideas, what would we do without him."  
Schneider looked at Richard a bit surprised by that statement and was relieved that Richard seemed sincere in his remark and not sounding cynical; but also noticing that Richard didn't join in the usual band-banter and didn't sit as near to Paul as he normally would. He decided to try and talk to Paul before the show.

The tourmanager was infected by the band's enthousiasm and now also the other guitarist had joined the group, he remarked with a wink "And I'm sure if our guitarists would want to share a kiss on stage tonight, that would fit really well with the statement too."  
Almost immediately Paul fell quiet and looked at Richard before sitting down next to Flake.  
Richard didn't say anything either, feeling uncomfortable with the eyes of the others on him.  
Schneider quickly looked from one guitarist to the other and then said with a firm voice (wanting to make clear that this was not open for discussion) "No, no kissing, we are waving these flags as a statement and that should be the real focus of tonight."  
"Okay, you're probably right about that, I'll go inform the crew and photographers so their ready for it" after which the tourmanager left the band to get started preparing.  
"Thanks, I owe you one" Richard whispered to Schneider while the bandmembers got up to go to their dressingrooms.

Normally they would keep to their own room before the show but Schneider visited Paul in his dressingroom after making sure he was alone.  
"Paul, I think Richard has recovered from the fight, maybe he didn't take it that hard after all. He practically seems like he always does,"  
Paul looked at him doubtful "He has skipped the tantrum and after-fight alright, but he's not as always, he avoids being alone with me and doesn't seem to know what to say to me. Normally we can talk about everything together and he always ends up being near me in a bandmeeting. And I like having him near me.." the last part came out a bit softer than Schneider was used to from Paul.  
"Did you two talk about the fight? Did you make up?"  
"No, I only see him when we're all together, and usually he comes to me to make up, so I think I should wait for that."  
Schneider looked at Paul and decided to be blunt "I don't think he is the one who should start the patching up this time..."  
"Maybe not, but I don't know what to say when it's awkward between us like this."  
"It's not that hard you know to make the first move...just do it Paul" after which Schneider left to get dressed, leaving Paul to his thoughts.

\-----

Deep inside Paul knew Schneider was right and during washing, dressing, warming-up he kept going through various scenarios of how to approach Richard, each more elaborate than the last, but none of it useful.  
Time passed and before he knew it, the band were all together back-stage, had their customary tequila and were getting in position for the first song. In this song all members would enter the stage one by one, starting with Schneider and ending with Till.

The intro music to announce Schneider was already playing, the drummer had already one foot on the step behind his drumkit, but turned to catch Paul's eye and lifted his eyebrows in a questioning gesture while nodding to Richard (who wasn't aware of it, he was concentrating on his guitarstrap). Paul shook his head. Schneider frowned at him, mouthed "do it!", but didn't have more time and entered the stage.

Paul looked at Richard, Richard saw him looking and gave him a shy smile in return before turning his attention to his guitar again. All of a sudden Paul knew what to say. He walked over to the other and gently touched his arm to get his attention. Richard turned to him a bit surprised; normally they wouldn't talk at all so close before getting on stage, but before he could think more about it, Paul blurted out "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it, I didn't want to hurt you, please don't be upset".

Meanwhile Schneider had started his intro and Richard was supposed to be next to enter the stage, so both guitarists looked at eachother, but before either could say anything a crewmember had tapped Richard on the arm gesturing him to go on. Paul walked back to his own guitar.  
Flake whispered to Oli:  
"Am I hallucinating or did Paul just apologize for a fight?"  
"I think hell just froze over..." 

\----

An hour and a half later the boatride with the flags was a huge succes; the audience immediately understanding the intention and thunderous applause accompanied the band to mainstage. They posed before the Ausländer song to give everyone a chance to take pictures, before Schneider started the song.

At the end of the song Paul was surprised when he saw Richard starting to walk to centerstage, he knew there would be no kissing, but Paul still welcomed the chance to be near the other at this point, maybe have some fun with attempting to play a chord on the other's guitar as they sometimes tried. On a Rammstein show the music was usually loud and the band wore earplugs, so communication on stage was more done with gestures than words. And touching eachother's guitar was a gesture both guitarists thought was funny (the others putting that down to "guitarist humour").  
The last chords sounded and Paul was glad to see Richard smiling at him, relieved at what he said before the show, and then got his biggest surprise of the tour: Richard laid his hand on Paul's shoulder, then leaned over to Paul so their faces touched. He was close enough for Paul to hear him when he said "Thank you.." before leaning away again, smiling at Paul while Flake started the next song.

Paul almost forgot to walk back to his position, but was soon reminded when Till moved to centerstage and gave him a "move or I'll make you" look. Paul was elated Richard was talking to him again, that was at least a start.  
After the show they gave eachother a quick hug, but didn't have time to talk alone. The next few days would be hectic because they'd travel early to the next stop (Moscow), and when they got there they found that large crowds had gathered everywhere the band went, from airport to hotel to outings the various bandmembers wanted to make.  
Oli, Flake and Till, who were particularly hesitant about large crowds, told Richard to do his "rockstar act" in various places (meaning he would do the "grand entrances" and autograph signing) while they could sneak out through another entrance. Paul and Schneider also took their share of autographs, and even managed to go on a few outings with Richard and his friend Joe (who also acted as his PA) but all in all, Paul didn't manage to find any place private.

Even though Paul trusted both Schneider and Joe enough not to spill the beans on them, with what Paul wanted to ask Richard, he wanted to be completely alone with the other man. He missed the new closeness of this tour and he wanted to know how Richard felt about it all, but since the fight the other man didn't give any indication of there being "more" and that hadn't changed after Paul's apology.

\-----

Before he knew it they were preparing for the Moscow show and found themselves again in a bandmeeting with their manager. "Russia also suffers a great deal of LGBT violence lately, do you guys want to use the rainbow flags again?"  
"All the fans have probably already seen the photos from Poland on social media, so the statement-effect won't be as good."  
"Too bad the kissing is off the program, that would have been a hell of a statement in Russia's capital, in one of the largest stadiums we visit on this tour."  
"Okay, we'll do it" all heads turned to Richard as he was the one who had talked. 

Paul was even more surprised than the others "Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, you guys are right, it would be a good statement. And besides, we did already share a kiss once on a Moscow stage some years ago."  
"But that was a kiss in the shadows, and on the shoulder not the lips, and at a much smaller venue..."  
"If you don't want to, we won't do it ofcourse"  
"No no, I want to, I want to.." the rest of the band smirked at Paul's eagerness, but noone felt like placing any scathing remarks, all too glad the guitarists had obviously left the fight behind them.  
"Well, that is settled then" Till ended the discussion "There isn't even any need for a rehearsal, these guys have practised enough these last months. Let's get out the Tequila."

\-----

Photos of the Moscow kiss went viral the next day and even reached mainstream media and Rammstein's official website.  
But Paul still had this lingering feeling that something was missing between Richard and him. The kiss had been alright but this really had been a "for the show" kiss, and Paul knew perfectly well it was different than previous kisses.  
But with the next shows still being hectic and the band flying home to be with their families between gigs, he still hadn't managed to get Richard on his own. Besides, he was still pondering what to say if he did.

Richard had managed to let everyone think he was fine, still having his default answers ready for all their default questions. But when one day he was joined for a smoke by Oli and the bassist had caught him off guard with a different question "Do you miss him?" he hadn't known what to say and only after several silent minutes had uttered a soft "Yes..."  
Oli only looked at him briefly and hadn't asked any further, for which Richard was grateful, but he knew he wasn't as 'fine' as he pretended to be.

After the frenzy of the eastern european shows, the band were glad to travel to Finland, even more so when it turned out they had a beautiful hotel in the middle of a quiet nature area and with a huge lake behind it.

The stadium was also a little smaller but noone minded, feeling relaxed; they always loved playing in the northern european countries for the large community of rockfans there.  
After their soundcheck, the rhythm section were sitting at the back of the stage watching the guitarists do their soundcheck.  
"It's been quite a different tour than usual with those two" Schneider took a sip from his waterbottle.  
Oli didn't answer immediately, continuing to watch the two on stage, but after a while replied "He misses him.."  
"And vice-versa.."  
"They really should talk, it'll do them both good"  
"Paul is wanting to, but he says he can't find a private enough spot."  
"Can't get more privacy than here, and we have the afternoon off."  
"I'll give guitar husband no. 1 a hint."  
"It'll be good for the band if they really do manage to be guitar husbands, they have never played as good together as they have on this tour."  
"I'll make it a not so silent hint.."

\-----

After the soundcheck the band went back to their hotel and planned to each pursue their own activities. Schneider nudged Paul when they were on their own "Talk to him, there is plenty of privacy here. Take him to the lake or something. If it's just the two of you, he'll want to talk to you too."  
Paul knew that the drummer was right, if he didn't find enough privacy here he wouldn't find it anywhere in Europe, but he still hadn't worked out what to say "I just hope that there won't be any people at all around. I'm sure he won't open up when even one person is near."  
"This is Finland, not Moscow Paul. Besides, any people who are around will probably be distracted anyway: Till's decided to go fishing."  
"What's that got to do with it?"  
"You'll see" Schneider laughed and made his way to his room.

Oli hadn't said any more to Richard than "Just go with the flow", but it was enough to have the guitarist look at him wondering if Oli had been a Zen-master in a previous life.

When Paul spotted Richard sitting on the hotel terrace, he took a deep breath and walked up to the other man  
"Do you want to take a walk? Just you and me..I..I want to talk to you alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will follow soon...


	6. End of the tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When they have the afternoon off in Tampere Finland, Paul has asked Richard to join him for a walk...

Richard was a bit surprised when Paul approached him, but thinking of what Oli had said he replied "Sure, can I take my cigarettes?"  
"It'll be a short walk if you don't take your cigarettes" it came out a little more blunt than Paul had intended but Richard laughed and went to his room to leave his jacket at the hotel.  
Paul was relieved, at least Richard was in a good mood, not that it made what he wanted to talk about easier, but he took it as a good omen.  
He was also encouraged by the first show in Finland, where at the start of Mein Teil (when both guitarists had gotten in the habit of doing something playful together) Richard had laid his head on Paul's shoulder and had kept it there for a while, smiling, Paul leaning over to get his cheek as close to Richard's as he could. 

When Richard returned the two guitarists set out for the lake. Flake had pointed out some beautiful walking routes around it to Paul and had assured him that there was almost no chance of meeting any people there.  
When they made their way around the dock that belonged to the hotel, they saw Till indeed had settled down there to fish. Till had apparently decided to take the nature theme of their hotel to heart and had gone 'back to nature' himself, having stripped off all of his clothes, he was fishing completely naked.  
Paul took that as a good omen too: any people who were around would indeed be more interested in that sight.

They walked for several minutes and still had been alone in nature, only surrounded by trees, the lake and various plants and animals.  
After 20 minutes they were far enough from the hotel so they couldn't see it anymore (and presumably, not be seen from there).  
Paul stopped and gently touched Richard's arm to make him stop too and faced him.  
"I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about the fight I started, I was just frustrated because you didn't seem to want to hug and kiss anymore and I had really enjoyed that."  
Richard had expected that Paul had wanted to talk about that, but still wasn't sure whether he wanted to open up to Paul. But he also knew that if he didn't take this opportunity there might never be another.  
Paul continued "I had even thought of initiating a kiss myself, but I know you like to be in charge, so I figured I'd wait"  
So that was why Paul hadn't taken the lead... Richard realised that from Paul's point of view that was a logical move, he knew that he himself could be diva-ish when others took over...how come he hadn't realised that sooner...  
"Because you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself, you should have been honest with Paul from the start" the small voice in Richard's head was back..

Paul looked at the other man, who still hadn't replied, but didn't seem offended or saddened, so he felt encouraged enough to continue.  
"Richard, do you...do you have feelings for me?"  
He waited, giving Richard time to answer.  
Richard looked at Paul and it hit him again how good Paul looked with his smile, his earring and his beanie (a dark grey one today). He felt his mouth was dry and licked his lips nervously before he finally managed an answer "I don't want things to be weird between us"  
"Neither do I...but that wasn't what I asked.."  
"I don't want to harm the band."  
"Good...but also not what I asked..."  
"I don't want to interfere in your relationship, I think you are a great couple"  
"Richard..."  
Paul gently took Richard's hand and held it while squeezing it a little "...I really appreciate it, but that still wasn't what I asked"  
Richard looked at Paul, feeling his hand in the other man's and with a small sigh said "Yes..."  
"Yes?"  
"Yes.. have had feelings for you for a long time.."  
"Really?"  
"Really.."

Paul felt a warm feeling spreading through his body and his smile grew bigger as he lifted his free hand to stroke Richard's chest, his muscular shoulder, before resting it on the other man's neck, softly caressing his hair "I have feelings for you too...I hadn't really realised until this tour, but I have. I love being near you, that I can talk to you about everything, I love to hold you and for you to hold me"  
Richard laid his free hand on Paul's hip, gently stroking his side, before sliding it further around his waist, letting it rest on his lower back. He pulled Paul closer, still a bit hesitant at first, but when Paul happily responded by pressing his body against his, he felt all nervousness flowing away and smiled at Paul before moving his face to Paul's, his cheek resting against Paul's cheek "I wasn't sure, I thought I had felt a spark, certainly at Milton Keynes, but when Till told me that you weren't into me, I thought I had only been imagining..."

So that was what happened...Paul now saw the complete picture and felt it all made sense. Richard would listen to Till, he trusted the singer with his life, and Paul had been avoiding discussing the whole cute stuff with Till because he knew the singer wasn't a fan of it, so Till couldn't have known that after 25 years of being together, Paul's feelings had changed.

Paul let go of Richard's hand and laid both arms across Richard's shoulders, pulling him in a tight embrace "It feels so good to hold you" he whispered "I never thought I'd be your type, you always seemed into 'tall, slim and brunette'".  
Richard smiled against his cheek while putting his now free hand on Paul's back as well, stroking it, feeling the muscles through the other man's shirt "That is my 'women type'"  
"What is your type for men then?"  
"Slightly smaller, slightly older, slighty greying.."  
"Hey, I'm not greying"  
"..slightly vain.." Richard laughed and gave Paul a small peck on the shoulder "..guitarplayer, beanie-wearer, tattood, earrings.."  
"Well, sounds like you were damn lucky that I agreed to join your little band then all those years ago or you'd still be pining"  
Both guitarists laughed out loud, pulled back a little, looking at eachother, whatever tension there had been, had now completely disappeared.  
"I love your smile Paul, you are the best stress-relief I know" he brought his face close enough to Paul's to put his lips on his, very slowly and gently kissing him.

Until now Paul had been aware of their surroundings, leafs rustling on the trees, a small breeze blowing from the lake onto their faces, but now he lost himself in the kiss, responding eagerly.  
Richard's lips wandered from his lips to his cheek, leaving small pecks there, to his neck and shoulder again leaving kisses, occassionally a small lick. His hands were still wrapped around Paul's waist and back lovingly stroking him, he moved his face back to Paul's resting his forehead to Paul's, gently rubbing their noses.  
Paul let his hands slide down Richard's chest stroking his pecs, lower down to his stomach which he squeezed a little before sliding his hands under Richard's arms to wrap around his waist. He enjoyed the eskimo-kiss a while before now taking the initiative himself to put his lips on the other man's, tasting Richard's lips, hesitantly licking them, at which he felt Richard's smile before responding.  
Richard now laid his arms on Paul's shoulders and hugged him close while both enjoying their tongues touching and playing.

Time stood still, had busloads of journalists stopped to take pictures, the two guitarists would not have cared, so wrapped up in eachother, enjoying their closeness.  
After a while, they broke the kiss, needing a bit of a breather and leaned there faces over eachother's shoulder again, sighing happily with everything that had just happened.  
Paul's watch bleeped "Damn, we need to get back to get the bus to the stadium in time, we've been here over two hours"  
"I'm really looking forward to playing, but this moment here with you I'll never forget, even if it's the last time we get a chance to do this."

"I hope we do get to do this again, now that I've found out what it's really like to kiss you, I'm not ready for it to be over"  
Richard smiled and gave Paul a quick last kiss, followed by an eskimo-kiss, before letting his hands drop from the embrace "Alright, let's go back, before they send Naked Till after us"

The guitarists held hands while walking back to the hotel, at first silent, still enjoying the afterglow of their hug, but after a while Paul squeezed Richard's hand "We do need to figure out how this is going to be between us, what we tell the others. And I *do* love my wife..."  
"I know, like I said before, I have no intention of coming between you two. Besides, I really like my new girlfriend, I think she might be the one.."  
"When you've been having feelings for me all this time...how did you think this was going to work out?"  
"I honestly didn't think it would ever come close to this, I never thought that what happened this afternoon, would happen...maybe we shouldn't tell the guys more than that we made up...for now at least.."

When the hotel was in sight again they stopped to share one small kiss, smiled and walked on, this time without holding hands so as not to attract attention.  
"Hey, do you realise you haven't smoked at all?"  
"You're better than smoking.."

\-----

As it turned out, there was no need to tell their bandmates anything; the others knew their friends well enough to suspect what had happened, both guitarists with a big dreamy smile all through the busride. If there was any room for doubt, the kiss on stage at Tampere's second show said enough. It was the easiest, most relaxed of the tour, smiling, hand on the shoulder, peck on the lips, a kiss between two people who have kissed before; even Till was starting to come to terms with it.

The band and management had in the meantime decided that the final two shows of the tour, in Vienna, would be recorded. This meant some extra preparation and an extra trip to Berlin between the shows in Tampere and Stockholm, which again left Paul and Richard with little one-on-one time.  
Recording of a show always brought some extra stress, especially for Richard who still got nervous about playing everything perfectly. Paul was more laidback about it, but instead of teasing the other guitarist like he would have done in the past, he now discretely, without the others noticing, stroked his neck or back whispering "You'll do fine, you always do" after which Richard would give him a grateful smile.

The night before the next show, in Oslo, both guitarists had found a secluded spot together on the hotel terrace. It really was a bit cold to be sitting outside but it turned out to be the only place with noone around, the other bandmembers prefering the warmer hotelbar instead.  
They both sat down, close together next to eachother, Richard's arm across Paul's shoulder, occassionally stroking Paul's upper arm; Paul leaning back against Richard's chest, hand gently touching and sometimes squeezing his thigh.  
They enjoyed casually talking to eachother about everything and nothing from music to the state of the world to the silly topics they both liked and which had their colleagues rolling their eyes and calling them 'old couple' in the past, then without them even being a couple (or maybe they always had been without knowing).  
After making sure they weren't seen from the hotel Richard now and then placed a kiss on Paul's ear, forehead or cheek, Paul's smile growing wider with each one but too comfortable snuggling in Richard's warm embrace to turn around and kiss him back.

After several hours the temperature started to get really low, Richard noticed Paul shivering.  
"Do you want to go inside? It is really getting chilly.."  
"It is, but I love talking to you tonight, I'm not really done yet.."  
"We could continue talking in the bar? Although I'd rather be alone with you.."  
Paul looked up grinning "So do I...I don't think we have many options then.."  
"Soooo...my room?"  
"It is the closest, so I say 'go'"

\-----

It wasn't new for Paul and Richard to be in the same bedroom at night; all combinations of Rammstein members had shared rooms and/or beds in the past; sometimes because of lack of money (at the start of their career), sometimes because they were too tired or drunk to make their way back to their own room. Or, specifically for the guitarists, because they were so wrapped up in a conversation they both enjoyed they didn't want it to end.  
So this night in itself was not new, but when they were both in Richard's room and he had closed the door, they looked at eachother and felt that this was the first time they were *together* in one room and felt a bit giggly at the thought.

Within the limited time they had had since their lakeside encounter in Finland they had agreed that for the time-being they wouldn't go 'all-the-way' physically, feeling that even though they both favoured 'open relationships' they would first finish the tour, go on vacation with their families and come clean with their girlfriends about everything that had happened.  
They also agreed not to say out loud they loved eachother, mainly because they feared that that would tip them over the edge of 'all-the-way'. 

But neither had a problem with showing affection and were actually welcoming the idea, so they pulled off their jackets and shoes and sat down on the bed, backs against the pillows, picking up where they left off outside. Between talking and laughing again small kisses were left on various parts of Paul's face, this time he'd made sure he'd taken a position in leaning against Richard which made it easier to give him his share of kisses in return.

When Paul woke up the next morning, he was confused for a moment as to why he was fully clothed on a bed, but when he felt Richard's arm warm on his stomach, his face against Paul's shoulder, he remembered the previous night. He turned a bit under Richard's arm to face the other man, still fast asleep.  
Paul smiled as he lifted his hand to touch Richard's face, stroking his cheek and hair.  
He wiggled a bit closer to press a kiss on the tip of Richard's nose and smiled when that woke the other man up "Hey sleepyhead"  
Richard look a bit confused too, but soon recovered "Hey, sunshine...when did we fall asleep?"  
"Probably somewhere between the state of german politics, what's better wine or beer, and ideas for a remake of the Mutter video" (the last one being a recurring source of comfy speculation between the two, knowing they'd never convince their colleagues to go for it, but together revelling in revenge for what they considered Rammstein's worst video, mainly because they weren't in it).  
"Sounds like us" Richard smiled back at Paul as they leaned towards eachother to press their foreheads together, both comfortable in the position they so often used when their hands were occupied by their guitars "What time is it, do we have time for some cuddling before we leave for the stadium?"  
As he said it both their phones bleeped.  
"Ugh, there's probably your answer" Paul leaned over to the bedside table to grab their phones.  
Both had a message, Paul from Schneider, Richard from Oli, and apparently that was no coincidence because when both guitarists looked at their phones it turned out to be the same message: "Bus to the stadium leaves in half an hour, be there! (we have sandwiches..) PS if you're with your husband, bring him too".  
"Half an hour to wash, shave, get dressed leaves little room for a cuddle. We'd better get a move on" Richard sighed with a slight pout at which Paul laughed "We'll try to find some cuddle-time during the day"

That proved easier said than done. After going through the entire schedule the meet&greet before the show arrived before they knew it and although they both enjoyed meeting the fans (and this was the last one of the tour) they wouldn't have minded spending the time with just eachother.

\-----

The show, the last normal one, had the whole band enjoying the performance and the audience. Paul and Richard where happy to share a kiss and a long hug after the Ausländer song, Richard unwilling to let go of Paul until they couldn't wait any longer to start the next song.  
The show ended with a downpour of rain, which had the audience and the band drenched to the skin. The guitarists gave eachother a quick hug after the show, but were anxious to get out of their wet outfit and changed for the afterparty.

The afterparty ran deep into the night. At the end only Paul and Richard remained from the band and they returned to their hotel together.  
When they were alone in the elevator up to their rooms, Paul leant back against Richard "I'm tired, too bad we'll have to leave in a few hours.."  
Richard wrapped his arms around Paul's waist and leant his head on the other man's shoulder "We didn't get any time together during the day..after today our family and friends will join us and with the hussle and bustle of the filming, there will be no time left"  
"We didn't even get to finish cuddle-time this morning" Paul sighed "I must admit I was looking forward to it"  
Richard looked at the other man leaning against his chest with his eyes closed, gently stroking Richard's arms across his middle "We could have cuddle-time now if you're up for it.."  
Paul smiled "I'm in, let's use your room again, it's closer.. I'll go grab my luggage so it'll save time later"

When Paul returned Richard had quickly thrown his own luggage in his suitcase, got undressed save for his boxershorts and a t-shirt and opened the window to have a quick smoke.  
"Ah, you're ahead, let me catch up" Paul also got undressed "leave the window open, I like the sound of the rain".  
Richard nestled himself on the bed laying the duvet open, waiting for Paul to join him, smiling as he watched him bouncing across the room. The other guitarist had forgotten his tiredness and was now making sure everything was ready for when they had to leave so they could make the most of their time left "Coffeemaker ready, alarmsignal activated, suitcases packed, now..." he turned to Richard with a mischievous smile "..where were we..." 

He climbed onto the bed and on hands and knees made his way to end up facing the other man. Richard put his hands on either side of Paul's face and put his lips on Paul's to kiss him.  
The first kiss at the lake had been hesitant, almost careful, but this was quite different. As he kissed Paul passionately his hands wandered down to his neck and shoulders, pulling him towards himself. Paul let his hands move forward on the bed and through Richard's pull he put his hands on the other man's back, their upper bodies falling against eachother. Still continuing the kiss, Richard now fully embraced Paul stroking his shoulders and back. Paul let his hands wander enthousiastically along Richard's sides and chest, after a while even venturing one hand under Richard's shirt to gently stroke the skin under it. Smiling at the soft moan this elicited from the other man he deepened the kiss.  
After a few minutes both men needed to catch their breath, both laid down next to eachother, still holding on and lovingly caressing the other.  
Reminded of what they had agreed earlier, they were happy at this point to just lay together looking at the other, listening to the rain and occassionally sharing a peck or eskimo kiss.  
As dawn broke rain seized, but both guitarists were too focussed on the other man to notice; loving kisses being exchanged on lips, face, neck and chest, hands continuously occupied.

\-----

Although they hadn't intended to go to sleep, when the alarm went, they found that they had both dozed off, Paul laying with his head on Richard's chest, his hand again under Richard's shirt, caressing bare skin. Richard held Paul with both arms, one hand on his shoulder, one on the edge of his boxers.  
Paul was the one most quickly to realise where the noise had come from and got up to shut the alarm off. Richard grunted sleepily now his warm companion had moved and Paul smiled before returning to his side.  
"We should get up..."  
"5 more minutes" Richard mumbled, pulling Paul closer towards him.  
Although Paul was all too happy to comply, he knew the plane wouldn't wait "We set the alarm so we had just enough time to get out of the room..."  
"If we shave in Vienna, can we have 5 more minutes?"  
Paul knew Richard was stalling, but enjoyed their last moments together enough to snuggle up again under Richard's warm arms "We can wash in Vienna too, the coffee we'll get on the plane".

When they finally made their way to the shuttlebus, the others just finished loading up their luggage. Flake looked at them "Did you guys just roll out of your beds or what?"  
Till snorted "Rolled out of the same bed more like.. Did you fuck? Are you a couple now?"  
Richard pulled Paul's hand to sit down together in the backseat "No comment, no and no.."  
Schneider rolled his eyes "Till, don't be crude, be glad our boys end a tour on good terms, we have had different ones. So...what is it you guys have now?"  
Paul looked at Richard "Guitar husbands...let's keep it at that for now.." while he said it, he touched the other man's hand "..what happened in Oslo stays in Oslo.."  
Oli nudged Flake "There's a good title for your next book".

As they had expected Vienna was hectic, their families and friends joining them, allowing them to get used to normal lives with their loved ones again. The recording was intended for a DVD-release so Richard and Paul assumed their cute moments would be cut from the final version anyway like happened with their last concert-DVD 'Paris', but they didn't care. Here in Vienna the moments on stage were the only ones they had together.  
At the final show, aside from the kiss (which made them both realise it probably would be the last for some time), Richard was so elated after his last boatride, he spontaneously slid his hand around Paul's waist to pull him in a hug, most fans probably not even noticing and even fewer suspecting the ease came from many times of doing this in private the last days.  
Towards the end of the show the two guitarists crossed paths in the shadows on stage and smiled as they rubbed their foreheads together, ending with an eskimo-kiss.

After the show ended they would all go to the after-party together, their family and friends already gone ahead of them to start the party. When Paul had washed, changed and joined the other four, only Richard was missing "I'll go and see, will be right back"  
He had a hunch what was up, where others would be homesick, Richard would get toursick, missing the audience and the rush of the performance. And as he expected, when he entered Richard's dressingroom he found the other guitarist slumped on the couch, his jacket off, upperbody bare but still wearing the rest of his stage outfit.  
He sat down next to him, laying his hand on Richard's thigh "Come on, get dressed babe...you know you'll feel better when you're at the party..."  
Richard swallowed a few tears before standing up and went to fiddle with his warmup guitar. With his back to Paul he sighed "It was a great tour, I'll miss playing with you guys, the songs, the audience" and after another sigh added "...you..."

Paul got up, walked up to him and hugged Richard from behind, his head against Richard's shoulder, his hands lovingly stroking his stomach and pecs "There will be another tour, but you're right, for now the playing and the audience are over...but I'm not going away.."  
"Won't be like the last few days..."  
"No, we'll first go on vacation and be with our loved ones...but in some time...we'll see eachother again and we'll talk and who knows what happens...husband of mine"  
Richard smiled despite his tears "I love y..this tour, Paul"  
Paul smiled at the almost freudian slip, kissed his neck, hugged him tight and whispered "I love this tour too, honey...now go get dressed, we have a party waiting"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the tour ends, so does this story.  
I had started to see if I could manage writing a fanfiction, and as it turns out, it was a lot of fun to do.  
If you liked the previous chapters I hope you'll enjoy this last one as well, and who knows, maybe til a next fanfiction?


End file.
